3 Months.

Today marks 3 months (1/4 of a year!) since I stepped off of the plane and onto my homeland of Winnipeg, Canada. Being home has been sweet, painful, good and hard. Transition was totally different than what I thought it would be! Honestly, I thought coming home would be a whole lot smoother than it has been! But, God is good and He is faithful! He continues to love me, teach me, draw my heart and lead me perfectly. I'm in good hands; He holds my heart well.

Today - on my 3 month mark of being home - I received two letters that I wrote while in New Zealand on my Discipleship Training School (DTS). The first letter was written on August 4th, two days after DTS started. This letter is the cry of my heart splattered on paper. It expressed my hopes and dreams for the "season" of DTS; the cry of my heart for greater revelation of who God is... and so much more! As I read this letter tonight, I could feel the hunger in my heart from that day. I remember feeling this deep desperation for all that God had in store for me. I had such expectation and anticipation for the Lord to move.

Here are a few sentences from my journal entry/letter: "Abba, I ask that You would do a mighty work in my heart and life over the next number of months. I ask that even now You would stir expectation and anticipation in my heart. Help me to believe for the impossible...or what seems like the impossible." I remember that hunger for the ALL and EVERYTHING that God had in store for me. Oh God, awaken that hunger and faith in me again!

The second letter was written on December 14th, two days before my DTS officially ended. This letter is amazing. I could have written anything to myself - where I thought I'd be, what I wanted to see accomplished in my life in the past 6 months, etc. But what I wrote was like life to my heart. I wrote truth to my heart on every line. I implanted courage, hope and love into my soul through my own letter. Thank you, Jesus! I again remember the emotions that I was feeling while I wrote this letter. I so passionately wanted my future heart (so to speak) to know the truth of who God is, how He feels about me and who I am in Him.

Here are a few nuggets from this letter: "Receive His love well and respond to His love with all of your heart... You (Stephanie) are beautiful and God sees you through the blood of His Son - perfect and being perfected... He loves you. You (Stephanie) love Him."

I think one of the major heart revelations that I got while away in New Zealand was the fact that I, Stephanie Reimer, really, truly love Jesus. When push comes to shove, even through bad attitudes, immaturity and pain, I really, truly love Jesus. He loves me and I love Him in return. Even when I'm not confident in my love towards Him, He knows my heart. He knows that I love Him. Just like Jesus knew Peter's affections even after Peter had betrayed Him and denied Him three times. Jesus knew that Peter loved Him, but Peter needed to know that he loved Him. The reason Jesus questioned Peter about His love wasn't because Jesus needed to hear that Peter loved Him but because Jesus knew that Peter needed to know that his weak and immature love for Jesus was real. Real, weak, broken love that God did not and does not despise.

Jesus loves my weak love. He loves me even in the joys, pains, hardships and awkwardness of transition. He loves me through my bad attitudes and confusion (though He doesn't love my sin, He loves me) and He has covenanted to see me through every season. He is with me to the end. I am so thankful!