This morning I had breakfast outside in my little courtyard at my home. My courtyard consists of a few plants, some bricks and a small wooden table - I like it a lot. As I was eating my oatmeal and dialoguing with the Lord about the day and my future I realized that I've spent the majority of my time since coming back to Tauranga worrying and trying not to be anxious about what's next.
The analogy that ran through my head was one of a dance. It's as if I'm dancing with the Lord and the entire time I'm looking at my feet. I'm consumed with thoughts about what my next step will be. I'm worried and anxious that I'll make the wrong move and mess up the whole dance and I'm not actually enjoying the dance. I don't want to spend the rest of this "dance" worrying about what the next step is or where my feet will land. I want to make eye contact with Jesus and give Him the permission to lead me. I want to fix my gaze firmly on Him and I want to trust Him to lead me well. I want to enjoy Him more in this season with every step that He leads me in. I want to allow Him to surprise me with spins and twists. I want to follow His leadership so much that just a nudge in one direction and I would follow gracefully. I don't want to run ahead of Him and I don't want to lag behind Him. I want to be in rhythm and in step with His leadership.
What I love about Jesus is that He's just so near. He's so close. He so intimately knows my heart. He's not distant from me or uninterested in my life. I'm actually on His mind a lot (His thoughts towards me are more than the sand on the seashore), He has my good in His heart and He knows how to lead me perfectly. Not just well; perfectly.
As I take the next few weeks to pray about what the Lord has for me in this next season and where He's leading me, I pray that my gaze would be locked with His. That my heart would not grow anxious or weary but that I would enjoy each step of the dance.
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